you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
