Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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