Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
