batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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