considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
