im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Someone came in the potted fern
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
