I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
