I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
