Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
