Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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