so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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