I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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