By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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