She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
