After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
