How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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