quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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