we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
