Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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