is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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