I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
