Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
