he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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