watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
