I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
