I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
