i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
