I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
