I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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