The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you traded sex for a burrito?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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