I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
