Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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