On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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