Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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