i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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