just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
