by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
