So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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