I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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