then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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