in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You ruined the universe
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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