You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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