accomplished twins. life is a go
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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