u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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