If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
