i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
