that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is Oprah even human
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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