he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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