Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The air was thick with penises
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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