K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
