I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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